Nobody Knows What to Say | Pandemic Reflections
F*ck. These past few months have been “interesting” times — we’ve heard that a bunch. “Hope you’re staying safe and sane” is the new “how are you.” For some it’s devastating, life-changing… others reflective, or even peaceful. And many find a combination. A fluctuation day-to-day. Nobody knows exactly what to say, or how to feel. Nobody. Knows.
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I have struggled, like many, with knowing what to say or how to show up during the past few months. Typically I am one who wants/tends/tries to inspire and invoke change during times of chaos and uncertainty. But with this pandemic, I just haven't been feeling it.
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And that, to me, was a surprise. (Maybe you have felt surprised by your own abilities or lack thereof to show up and how to be in these few months, too.)
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Or maybe not. Whether you have lost a person that you really f*cking cared about, lost your entire or partial job/income, or have lost a big part of your sense of self/purpose.... we have all lost something right now. It's all grief. What we are feeling is grief.
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I have selfishly hoped that other thought-leaders -- whether that is people I know directly or have never met -- would be able to inspire me with their own thought-provoking words & guidance. Or tell me what to say. Or what to do. But nobody knows....
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Opening up about grief more this last year or so has put me in a unique position where those who have lost someone tend to call me within the first week or so of that loss. This is an extreme honor and I am so happy to be a part of that process in a small way because it is what I care the most about.
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But I have felt guilty that even with being able to help others in their darkest moments, I have still felt purposeless and missing some of the more superficial parts of my life. And that is ok. Plus if one more person told me “allow yourself to feel all the feelings” I was gonna maybe implode. But they didn't know what to say. Because: nobody knows.
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But hey, we are all in a weird place. So read the things, get inspired by the people and podcasts, jump in a hole for weeks and never come out — if you want. And remember that nobody is right and nobody has the “right” advice. I’m not here to convince or show you or persuade you to “feel all your feels” or to count your blessings.
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So cheers to just being / not needing to inspire right now. You can if you want and I while I hope you do find some peace somehow somewhere in all of this — maybe just CTFO + take everyone's advice with a grain of salt. Including my own. So what I'm really saying is ignore me and this entire saga of a post. Or maybe I'm not.
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Nobody knows :).
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PS.... Oh and here is me driving up to my mom's house to quarantine and stopping to pee on the side of the road / forced my bf to take this pic -- it was a gorg view yes, but it's not vacay. Just a cute moment that looks more glam that it is, just like pretty much everything you're scrolling through right now :).
